1. |
Introduction
01:32
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2. |
The Good News
05:29
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you’re gonna die alone, you’re gonna die in vain
you’re gonna die defeated, broken, sputtering and insane
unable to communicate your confusion or your pain
or the sensation of the sudden dissipation of your brain
and there will be no grand transition to some mystical dimension
no consciousness at all to contemplate your situation
yeah you’re future’s pretty grim, my friend, in the future you’ll be screwed
but you’re here right now and the present’s up to you
so go ahead and build your empire, go ahead and make your fortune
go ahead and follow all your dreams you think are so important
pour your soul into a memoir every day ’til nothing’s left
it’s only gonna last for several billion years or so at best
‘cause even if you find a way to immortalize your consciousness
the sun’s still gonna die one day, rendering it meaningless
and assuming our society moves to a neighboring galaxy
the heat death of the universe will negate it all eventually
and even if you climb to heaven, plead your case to god
certain judges can’t be reasoned with, it’s a puzzle you can’t solve
yeah everything is temporary, everything is doomed
but you’re alive right now and the rest is up to you
well, it’s hard not to get discouraged when you zoom the lens out far enough
but it’s a question of perspective when addressing what we’re made of
‘cause it’s true we’re pretty small, but we’re also pretty huge
and when you understand this suddenly the universe looks pretty cool
‘cause there are galaxies inside your eyes, you’ll see them when you find
the eternity inside each second you waste terrified of your demise
maybe we’re more substantial than we know, but then again
maybe I’m only saying this to ease the pain of trying to comprehend
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
you’re gonna die alone! die alone! die alone! die alone!
but for now at least there’s rock and roll.
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3. |
||||
holy shit! I’m falling in a bottomless pit!
how the fuck did it come to this?!
I was walking along, suddenly I tripped
I’ve been falling and screaming ever since
and after a while I started to worry,
how was I going to eat?
so I grabbed whatever falling scraps of food I could find:
cold pizza and ramen and pieces of meat
life in the pit is not so bad
once you get used to the never-ending wind
sometimes you even see something rad
pass by and disappear again
holy shit! I’m falling in a bottomless pit!
how the fuck did it come to this?!
maybe if I find enough limited edition vinyl records
I could build a little ladder and climb out of it
then I fell past a man with a rope made of money
and he asked if I needed a hand
I held onto my pride, said I’m doing fine
and I never saw him again
holy shit! I’m falling in a bottomless pit!
I guess this is really the end
but if I smoke enough and drink enough and watch enough porn
then at least I’ll enjoy the descent
I smoke enough and drink enough and watch enough porn
then at least I’ll enjoy the descent
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4. |
I Don't Know Anything
03:15
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I don’t know who’s throwing this party
I don’t know why we’re drinking champagne
I don’t know why we started talking
I don’t have anything to say
I ain’t drunk, but I ain’t sober
this isn’t torture but it isn’t fun
and it’s not that I don’t like you
I just don’t like anyone
so get back to me tomorrow
get back to me tomorrow
get back to me tomorrow
I don’t know anything right now
I don’t know how long we’ve been here
I’m not asleep but I’m not awake
and I’m sure this is all really interesting
but I just can’t concentrate
somebody just offended someone
now he’s shouting at someone else
and they’re asking for my opinion
I wanna tell them to go to hell, but I just say:
get back to me tomorrow
get back to me tomorrow
get back to me tomorrow
I don’t know anything right now
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5. |
||||
I don’t have time to do the dishes
I don’t have time to clean my stuff
dirty socks and fast food trash
they’ve been piling up for months
I don’t have time to beat the dungeon
I don’t have time to fight the boss
I don’t have time for aftershave
I don’t have time to fucking floss
I don’t have time to practice scales
I don’t have time to work on riffs
I used to think this was my talent
I used to think this was my gift
I don’t have time to write this song
about not having any time
‘cause I still haven’t found the words
for what’s been poisoning my mind
I don’t have time to call my parents
I don’t have time to see my friends
I don’t have time to keep on drinking
like the party never ends
I don’t have time go on dates
I don’t have time to masturbate
and I don’t have time to vent
all my frustrations in a more subtle way
I don’t have time to feel depressed
about the things I haven’t done
I don’t have time to watch TV
I don’t have time for any fun
I don’t have time to goddamn think
I don’t know what else I can say
I don’t have time for anything
except to watch all my time slip away
I think I really need to take a personal vacation
so consider this my official letter of resignation
I’m turning in my two weeks notice, withdrawing from society
gotta spend some time alone now, I gotta recharge all my batteries, but!
this is only temporary
I’ll be better in a few weeks
and I don’t know what’s gonna happen then, all I know is that I’m
sleeping in tomorrow
I’m sleeping in tomorrow
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6. |
Everything Is Boring
09:09
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Good luck!
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7. |
Screaming At Myself
01:23
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I’ve been listening to the radio, I’ve been taking notes
‘cause I’m tired of being a loser, I’m ready to be a rock star, and I know
all I need is one hit song to get out of this nightmare I’m in
all I need is one hit song where I don’t bitch or moan or throw a hissy fit
but I’m sure as fuck not gonna start now!
I’m sure as fuck not gonna start now!
I’m sure as fuck not gonna start now!
‘cause every time I try to write a goddamn song,
all I wanna say is fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!
every time I try to write a goddamn song,
all I wanna say is fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!
and thought I was saying this for someone else
but I’m starting to think I’m just screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at myself!
screaming at m...
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8. |
You Used To Be Cool
05:34
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you used to be cool
you used to be cool
what the hell happened? what the hell happened? you used to be cool
you used to be fun
you used to please everyone
well at least nearly everyone else
you never really got the hang of pleasing yourself
but at least you could always expect
to be treated with respect
amongst the select upper tier of your peers your superior
status was left unchecked
and at least you could always know
your friends would follow wherever you’d go
‘cause you used to be cool, you used to be cool, you used to be cool
and you used to write songs about
parties and drugs and the girls that you thought you loved
now you only write songs about yourself in second person
but at least you’re still singing something
writing sad songs is better than nothing
at least that’s what I keep saying to that loser in the mirror
and he says, “yeah? well, you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
you used to be cool!”
(there’s probably a couple more but I don’t feel like counting them right now)
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9. |
||||
oh my god! summer’s already here
and there are things I haven’t started that I wanted to do this year
I was going to write a novel
I was going to get in shape
well I still got time, I got the inspiration, I got the motivation
can’t fuck it up this time, gotta start before it’s too late
I’m gonna get off the fucking couch
I’m gonna turn off the playstation
I’m gonna put on my fancy shirt
I’m gonna get out of the house tonight
I’m gonna get off the fucking couch
I’m gonna turn off the playstation
I’m gonna put on my fancy shirt
I’m gonna get out of the house tonight
as soon as I find the mouthwash
where’s the mouthwash?
we’re out of mouthwash!
fuck it, I guess I’ll just try again tomorrow
in this place, the fun never ends
hanging out, getting drunk with your friends
in this place, it’s a never-ending high
and I don’t know a lot, but I know I’m
sleeping in tomorrow
I’m sleeping in tomorrow
oh my god! summer’s halfway through
and there are still so many damn things I wanted to do
I was gonna swim every morning
I was going to get a tan
well I still have a chance, but only if I really get going this time
can’t make the same mistakes
or rewrite the same old plans
I’m gonna get off the fucking couch
I’m gonna turn off my goddamn phone
I’m gonna put on my swimming suit
I’m gonna get out of the house tonight
I’m gonna get off the fucking couch
I’m gonna turn off my goddamn phone
I’m gonna put on my swimming suit
I’m gonna get out of the house tonight
as soon as the episode’s done
what time is it?
it’s already eleven!
fuck it, I guess I’ll just try again tomorrow
oh my god, summer’s already done
I got nothing accomplished and I didn’t have any fun
I was going to get it together
I was going to write that album
and I guess I could still keep trying
but maybe I’m getting too old to really change
and maybe it’s time that I just gave up
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10. |
Stupid Punk Rock Anthem
08:11
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now I’m sleeping in the car tonight, I’ve found the perfect parking spot
chugging down the whiskey to forget the things I’m not
and I’m holding back the vomit, I’d rather let the poison kill me
you know I’d sooner die than apologize for the things I had to do
got a closetful of notebooks filled with words of my former self
when I read them, it’s like torture in a self-inflicted hell
‘cause I hate the man I was, the man I am is not much better
and I’m finally getting bored of getting better anyway
now I’m driving to Olathe, listening to the old demo tape
of that short-lived former four-piece act that sang songs you used to hate
yeah, they were stupid punk rock anthems, it was a stupid punk rock band
it isn’t like I was trying to impress you, you understand
now I’m sleeping in the car tonight, I’ve found the perfect parking spot
chugging down the whiskey to forget the things I’m not
and I’m holding back the vomit, I’d rather let the poison kill me
you know I’d sooner die than apologize for the things I had to do
I have failed to even meet my own insufficient standards
I’ve broken all my resolutions, disappointed my own friends
and it’s pretty damn apparent if I had something to contribute
to society, then I probably should have figured it out by now
but I remember every lyric I never found the time to write
and I remember all those big ideas I was too afraid to try
and I’m proud of worthless songs like these that momentarily deluded me
into feeling a sense of accomplishment
now I’m sleeping in the car tonight, I’ve found the perfect parking spot
chugging down the whiskey to forget the things I’m not
and I’m holding back the vomit, I’d rather let the poison kill me
you know I’d sooner die than apologize
(also there are a bunch of "Yah dah dah"s in the song but you can probably figure those out on your own. also maybe some cat noises)
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11. |
It's Never Fair
03:19
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I wish I could be singing a more optimistic song for you
you know I could really stand to hear one myself
‘cause in the long tradition of terrible years, I think this one has really taken the cake
and you know that it’s still possible that next year will be even worse
and I should probably tell you it will be ok, I should tell you that you’re gonna see sunnier days
I should say all the things a decent person would say
but you don’t wanna hear that bullshit and I don’t wanna mess with your head
so let’s not pretend that any of this is somehow fair
‘cause it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair
you were searching for the answers, but the answers were never there
and I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I honestly have no idea how you feel
and I know I got nothing useful to say but I swear
I’m still really trying to care
I gotta admit you seem ill-equipped
to handle situations like this
maybe it’s because you’re so full of hope yet so full of doubt
‘cause even after you stopped believing in god you kept believing that you were hero of your own story
and that things would just sort of work out
but you and I know better now
yeah, you and I know the truth now and it isn’t pretty
and it doesn’t have a happy ending
and you’re doing your best to ignore
the face of the man you can see through the wall in the back of the restaurant
and he’s grinning and he’s singing...
it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair
you were searching for the answers, but the answers were never there
and I don’t wanna look on the bright side tonight, no I don’t wanna find silver linings tonight
for whatever it’s worth I just want you to know I swear
I’m still really trying to care
it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair
you were searching for the answers, but the answers were never there
and I don’t wanna look on the bright side tonight, no I don’t wanna find silver linings tonight
I just wanna remember, I just wanna fucking care
it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair, it’s never fair
you were searching for the answers, but the answers were never there
and I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I honestly have no idea how you feel
and I know I got nothing useful to say but I swear
I’m still really trying to care
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12. |
Reset
03:04
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well I’ve been playing a video game
where there are no checkpoints and no way to save
and I’ve been playing this game for twenty-three years
and I’ve been making good time, and I think I’m doing fine
but if I fall behind, well that’s my greatest fear
‘cause I don’t know how to hit reset, and I don’t know how to quit
well I’ve got an idea, but I’m far too scared to attempt it
and no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve never found a strategy guide
though I found some decent walkthroughs when I looked online
but when I read them all, they said a different thing each time
and all I’m asking, please, is:
can I get my money back? can I get my money back?
can I trade this life for another one, maybe one with rules I can understand?
can I take this back and sell it? or maybe credit I get some in-store credit?
can I trade this life for another one, maybe one where I won’t really care if I win or lose
‘cause I think I’m going to lose
I had a chat with the creator of the universe
said “can I pause this game just for a while, so I can rehearse?”
he said, “not yet son, but we’ve got a team that’s working on that
it won’t be ready in your lifetime but be sure to come back
when we build the next system”
and that’s when I screamed at him:
can I get my money back? can I get my money back?
can I trade this life for another one, maybe one where I’m not trapped inside?
you gave me nothing but deceit, yeah, you never even gave me a receipt
so can I trade this life for another one, maybe one where I won’t have to die when I finally lose?
‘cause I know I’m going to lose
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13. |
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I think I’ve finally realized some truths about myself
I think that I fucked up this perfect hand that I was dealt
if I could live for 98 lifetimes, get 98 chances to get it right
I know I’d still complain it’s so unfair I didn’t get 99
but I think I’ve finished fretting about every stupid failure
and trying to live up to other people’s bullshit standards
and staring at the clock wondering just when I’ll get my turn
I’m done with all of that shit, let me tell you something I’ve learned:
you gotta dance like nobody’s watching
you gotta sing like nobody’s listening
you gotta live like no one will miss you when you’re gone
you gotta dance like nobody’s watching
you gotta sing like nobody’s listening
you gotta live like no one will miss you when you’re gone
you gotta dance like nobody’s watching
you gotta sing like nobody’s listening
you gotta live like no one will miss you!
you gotta live like no one will miss you!
you gotta live like no one will miss you when you’re gone!
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Something and the Whatevers Lawrence, Kansas
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